"I’m a paradox. I want to be happy, but I think of things that make me sad. I’m lazy, yet I’m ambitious. I don’t like myself, but I also love who I am. I say I don’t care, but I really do. I crave attention, but reject it when it comes my way. I’m a conflicted contradiction. If I can’t figure myself out, there’s no way anyone else has."
"1. Take a chance and talk to them.
2. Never make assumptions about what other people are feeling.
3. If you can’t cry, then run until your lungs burst, or write until you feel something.
4. People leave. It’s as inevitable as the change of the seasons, but don’t let it define you.
5. Cigarettes are not meal replacements.
6. Destruction is lovely, but nothing is more beautiful than creation.
7. Don’t compare your intelligence to others’; it’s something too abstract to be measured.
8. Being happy and not afraid to die is a dangerous combination.
9. There’s something to be said for anonymity, but don’t lose sight of yourself.
Sometimes the best thing for the other person is to let them live their life without you.
10. Don’t be the other woman. You deserve to be with someone who will respect you enough to be with only you.
11. Never be pressured into doing something sexual.
12. Don’t call yourself a slut or a whore, because it makes it okay for other people to call you that and that is NOT okay.
13, Feel free to fall, but always be prepared to catch yourself.
14. Jealousy will eat you alive. Don’t be jealous of other people’s relationships - there are always flaws you can’t see."
— 14 Things I Did Not Learn In School
"People say to you, ‘you’ve changed’, or something like that, well, I hope, for the sake of God that you have changed, because I don’t want to be the same person all my life. I want to be growing, I want to be expanding. I want to be changing. Because animate things change, inanimate things don’t change. Dead things don’t change. And the heart should be alive, it should be changing, it should be moving, it should be growing, its knowledge should be expanding."
Beginning (a g a i n)
I’m remounting the same play I did last year about someone who really hurt me. It hurt me to do it last year and for some reason I know it will hurt me to do it again this year.
Sometimes I wonder why I put myself through this. Why I continue to write about things that hurt me and make me sad and take me back to moments that I wish to never, ever relive again. I mean I know it’s catharsis but sometimes the feelings are so visceral I feel as though it’s just a vicious cycle.
I know I wouldn’t want to be writing about anything else. This has made me who I am and continues to develop me as a person. I have learned invaluable things from that experience. I’m trying to follow my intuition and be more selfish. Yes, I’m trying to think about what’s best for me. I know now that I am the most important to me. My mom said “we are born alone, and we die alone.” I need to be more in tune with how I feel and what I need, not what I want.
I want to be in love, yes, and I want to be with someone, not a thousand people. I don’t want to have one night stands anymore and drink excessively to impress men, to convince them that I am an interesting person. I am. I’m pretty fucking cool. I’m writing a play right now. It will be shown in my city for hundreds of people to see. That’s exciting and overwhelming and crazy and brave and insane to me. But I’m doing it.
Am I scared?
Do I maybe regret it a little?
Yeah, I mean sometimes. This is hard. I have to cut myself open once again and reexamine myself allllll over again. At a higher level. I have to extend the length of this play to further explain my flaws and where my mind went and how my mind works. How I torture myself for fucking up all of my relationships because I think I’m not good enough.
I’m goddamn good enough.
This is going to be hard, again. This is going to be rough and raw and broken and bloody and snotty and beaten. But this is mine. This is about me and what I went through and how it made me tired and how it made me change my mind about everything.
I want to be a better person and think higher of myself. I am better. I am good. I want to be better. I want to feel better.
This is important. For me and to me.
I'd love to answer any one of these :)
- 1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?
- 2. You talked to an ex today, correct?
- 3. Have you taken someones virginity?
- 4. Is trust a big issue for you?
- 5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?
- 6. What are you excited for?
- 7. What happened tonight?
- 8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?
- 9. Is confidence cute?
- 10. What is the last beverage you had?
- 11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?
- 12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?
- 13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?
- 14. What are you going to spend money on next?
- 15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?
- 16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?
- 17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?
- 18. The last time you felt broken?
- 19. Have you had sex today?
- 20. Are you starting to realize anything?
- 21. Are you in a good mood?
- 22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?
- 23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?
- 24. What do you want right this second?
- 25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?
- 26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?
- 27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?
- 28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?
- 29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?
- 30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?
- 31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?
- 32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?
- 33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?
- 34. Listening to?
- 35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?
- 36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?
- 37. Do you believe in love at first sight?
- 38. Who did you last call?
- 39. Who was the last person you danced with?
- 40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?
- 41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?
- 42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?
- 43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?
- 44. Do you tan in the nude?
- 45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?
- 46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?
- 47. Who was the last person to call you?
- 48. Do you sing in the shower?
- 49. Do you dance in the car?
- 50. Ever used a bow and arrow?
- 51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
- 52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?
- 53. Is Christmas stressful?
- 54. Ever eat a pierogi?
- 55. Favorite type of fruit pie?
- 56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
- 57. Do you believe in ghosts?
- 58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
- 59. Take a vitamin daily?
- 60. Wear slippers?
- 61. Wear a bath robe?
- 62. What do you wear to bed?
- 63. First concert?
- 64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?
- 65. Nike or Adidas?
- 66. Cheetos Or Fritos?
- 67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?
- 68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?
- 69. Ever take dance lessons?
- 70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?
- 71. Can you curl your tongue?
- 72. Ever won a spelling bee?
- 73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
- 74. What is your favorite book?
- 75. Do you study better with or without music?
- 76. Regularly burn incense?
- 77. Ever been in love?
- 78. Who would you like to see in concert?
- 79. What was the last concert you saw?
- 80. Hot tea or cold tea?
- 81. Tea or coffee?
- 82. Favorite type of cookie?
- 83. Can you swim well?
- 84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?
- 85. Are you patient?
- 86. DJ or band, at a wedding?
- 87. Ever won a contest?
- 88. Ever have plastic surgery?
- 89. Which are better black or green olives?
- 90. Opinions on sex before marriage?
- 91. Best room for a fireplace?
- 92. Do you want to get married?